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Dealing with Emotions

This month, Susan Grandfield will be your very own personal coach!  Your 5 minute coaching session take the form of a short video which Susan has recorded especially for you.  Enjoy!

If you are not currently receiving your copy of the SG Survival Guide, just complete the boxes to the right of this post and next month your very own personal copy will drop into your mail box.  Next month we are talking about Building and Managing Teams.

 

Here is the transcript for you to read, if you’d prefer.

One of the main areas I am asked to help people with in relation to having difficult conversations is how to deal with emotions.  I hear my clients saying “Susan, I understand the need to have difficult conversations but how do I actually do it and how do I deal with the emotional reaction that the other person might have?”

The biggest reason for avoiding confronting and dealing with a difficult situation is a fear of emotions, a fear of how the other person will react.

The thing to remember is that we all have them, they are a natural and the reason they come out in difficult conversations is because being confronted by something we don’t want to hear or weren’t aware of often generates a defensive response.

It is natural, when we feel threatened we respond from our primitive fight or flight mode.  That threat can be real or perceived, physical or verbal.

Consider a difficult conversation you have had recently.  What were you saying to yourself going into the conversation?

“Oh god, I really don’t want to have this conversation.  I know they’re not going to be happy, it’s going to be awkward or embarrassing, I just want to get it over with”.

Just pause for a minute…..what will that sort of internal dialogue be doing to your mental state?  How will you feel about the conversation and the person?

Now, imagine if you went into the conversation with the belief that it would result in a positive outcome for both of you?

Imagine if you believed that the other person was genuinely unaware of the issue you need to talk to them about and that they would in fact welcome your feedback?

How would you feel differently?  And how differently would you approach the conversation?

So, the first step it to manage your own emotions.  If you feel angry, embarrassed, upset or defensive, there is every chance the other person will pick up on that and unwittingly match your emotions.

If you approach the situation with a positive emotion, focusing on dialogue and sharing information….you are likely to get a better response.

So, consider your difficult conversation and answer these questions:

  1. how do you currently feel?
  2. how would you like to feel?
  3. what would make you feel like that?
  4. how would you like the other person to feel?

Imagine the other person is currently behaving with good intentions, they are not aware of the impact they are having which is leading you to need to have this conversation.  All you are doing is bringing information into your shared pool of understanding to enable you to work better together.

Does that make sense?

 

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