Making life's transitions with ease and grace

As we transition from summer to autumn and notice the changes that are going on around us – leaves turning from green to red, yellow and orange, the air feeling colder on the skin, the light becoming more muted – there is also an opportunity to notice the changes that are going on in the inner environment too.

No matter what stage of life we are in, we are always experiencing some sort of transition. Sometimes the transitions happen almost undetected, we barely notice them happening until we look in the mirror one day and see that the there are a few more lines appearing on the face or grey in the hair.   Other transitions can feel like a tsunami; picking us up, tossing us around, leaving us bereft with no sense of where we find ourselves now.

What transitions are you going through right now?

It may be the beginning or ending of a relationship, a change of career or job, menopause, adjusting to children having left home, caring for those who used to care for you.

What is the experience like for you?

At some point each of these is likely to feel confusing, disorienting and destabilising as we find ourselves stuck in limbo between life as it was before and life as it will be now. There is great power in choosing to give ourselves time to step back from the busy day to day activity and reactivity and open up to our inner wisdom on how to navigate whatever we are experiencing with more grace and ease. 

I am reminded of a quote from William Bridges:

“It’s not the changes that do you in it’s the transitions”

We experience change all the time and whether we like what the change brings or not, as a human being, we have developed a tremendous capacity to adapt and adjust to the new. Responding to a change is usually done at the level of behaviour change.  For example, during the COIVD pandemic the vast majority of us changed our behaviour overnight – staying at home, wearing masks, testing ourselves regularly.  (Have you noticed how quickly many have adjusted our behaviour back to how it was before?).

We can change and change again often quite quickly and we can become skillful at doing things differently. However, that is just part of the equation. There is also something that needs to happen on the inside if we are to make true and lasting changes AND if we are do so with more ease. That is what Bridges refers to as the transitions.

“Every transition always starts with an ending. To become something else, you have to stop being what you are now; to start doing things a new way, you have to end the way you are doing them now; and to develop a new attitude or outlook, you have to let go of the old”.

That is the hard part! That is the inner work.

It is about turning attention inwards and allowing ourselves to acknowledge what is really going on in the midst of the external changes. It is about building our inner resources so that we can reconnect with the balance, stability and confidence that will help us navigate the transition. It is about showing ourselves the care, compassion and kindness that we would offer to someone else who was finding things difficult.

The natural world around us is going through a constant cycle of change and renewal and when we slow down enough to really notice, we can take inspiration from it which will support us on our own cycle of renewal. There is no struggle as a leaf falls from the tree, the tree effortlessly lets go. There is no emotional turmoil as the squirrel prepares for hibernation, it devotes to time preparing and doing what it knows it needs to do. The sun doesn’t fight to stay in the sky longer, it allows the moon to appear sooner turning the day to night.

Learning to prepare ourselves, to let go, to allow are all part of making life’s transitions with more ease and grace. Knowing that is what we need to do and actually doing it are two different things and that is why it can be helpful to practice doing so with the support of a kind, compassionate and wise community. Stepping back from the busy-ness, the reactivity, the pressure from others and giving yourself space to really explore what it is you need from yourself in your own transition is perhaps the best act of self-care you can offer yourself. 

It is for both of those reasons that I run regular mindfulness based retreats in the nourishing and stunning Perthshire countryside. I hear the impact they have on people who are willing to invest in themselves and put themselves at the top of their priority list for a change!

Whatever transition you are facing or in the middle of, you are invited to join me for my next retreat – 12^th & 13^th November – at Burmieston Farm & Steading. All of the details are on the here on my website where you can also connect with me to ask any questions or to book your place. 

Give yourself the gift of your own attention.